The Effects Of Abandonment on a Child
When we are little our parents are like our superheroes, we look up to them for support and guidance. Some children never get the gift of parents and have to move from foster families or to children’s homes. There are many different types of abandonment. Throughout this paper readers will further understand the causes and effects abandonment has on the children who are involved.
What is Abandonment?
Abandonment, by definition is giving something up. Child abandonment can happen in many different ways, either all at once or over time through neglect (Edwards). Another type is recurring abandonment which is when the custodial parent leaves their child multiple times for a short period without binding reason. A parent can leave for less than a day at a time but the more these days build up, the court can file for a change in custody (Broemmel). Throughout history, most records of abandonment were caused by extreme poverty, says the University of Chicago (Broemmel). The parents of these children think that the child will find a better home with a higher social standing, which causes them to leave. Other reasons are mental illness, substance abuse, and fear. The show Teen Mom is a great example of abandonment caused by fear. Many of these mothers struggle with drugs and providing for their family as they fall apart. They often rely on parents or adoption. Many times, children who are put up for adoption are left feeling lost and unwanted. Infants, ‘from birth through the first year, develop a sense of trust and attachment including "the capacity to 'bond' to ensure their survival,"’ (Ryan). When this bond is broken the children will have troubles with personal relationships, self- image, mood swings and behavior. These are all effects of abandonment and are known as a borderline personality disorder (BPD) says the U.S. National Institute of Mental Health (Ryan). Along with BPD children can experience the feeling of shame, which can carry through to their adulthood. If a parent leaves a child while "developing their sense of worth” (Ryan)
Effects Of Abandonment
When children are abandoned the effect can become more drastic over time, such as turning to gangs or drugs. People join gangs for many different reasons, “Some find a feeling of caring and attention in a gang. It becomes almost a family to them” (Morrissey). Throughout my life I have met many people who have experienced abandonment from one or both parents. These friends/family members have trouble with authority along with keeping stable relationships.
When readers think of the word abandonment they often think of months or years, when in reality a court system can deem abandonment after 2 days “If a custodial parent simply leaves with no explanation” (Broemmel). If the non-custodial has not kept in communication with their child the court can keep the child and put him or her in a benign location. If the non-custodial is still in contact with the child he or she can file a motion to change who has custody, “Including a request that the court grant you emergency custody, at least on a temporary basis.” (Broemmel) Filing for abandonment can be a very time consuming process, it will consist of 4 steps. These steps begin with finding valid proof of the child being abandoned, which could be simple if the custodial parent is evidently gone. In the next steps an attorney must be contacted for assumed abuse or child abandonment. Stages 3 and 4 will be made up of contacting the local police and attending the hearing when the police present the case to a jury (Thorne).
Maternal and Paternal Abandonment
Both parents play a very big part in their children’s life, each has a different impact. Maternal abandonment is when a mother eliminates herself from her children’s life and ending all communication. A child may begin to feel so though they can’t be loved and that’s what drove their mother away. This causes children to fear having a relationship with teacher, adults, stepparents and caregivers (Van Wyden). He won’t love these people for fear that they will leave. The most common abandonment from mothers is by leaving her child suddenly, the child will experience shock and would also have trouble trusting or loving other again. Often kids who lose their mothers experience extreme sadness and jealousy to those kids who have a normal family. Children and teens experience moodiness, higher rate of suicide, depression and mental illness when they do not have a father figure at home. They also have lower grades in academics after the separation of parents or the removal of the father from a house hold says Linda Ray. Massey University says that 75% of high school dropout comes from a fatherless house hold (Ray). These adolescents are more likely to join gangs and do drugs if they come from a home without a strong father figure.
Healthy and Unhealthy relationships Between children and their parents
There are many different parenting styles, some are great but some can push children farther away from the family then parents planned. Some parents can get too close where others are too far away. Being too close could also be known as sexual abuse even if the mother or fathers are not intentionally abusing their child, says Glen Williams. Strict parents can cause their children to rebel and act out, where parents who are too soft and allow their children to have anything and everything will cause their children to become spoiled. Children need to know their boundaries and what they can and cannot have. Everyone in the world makes mistakes, parents can often think their child does everything wrong or can do nothing wrong no matter what. The opposite of this is a parent/s who can never take charge and fully resolve a problem that their child can’t. The children lose respect and seldom depend on their parents for anything (Williams).
Building a healthy relationship with kids can be hard, which becomes even harder as they grow up. When building a strong relationship when they are younger, planning family outings and not over working children are just a few ways to keep a strong healthy relationship. Overworking can cause a child to feel stressed and feel disappointed in themselves even at the smallest mistakes. Conversation is very important to keep adolescents honest and connected. This will keep trust and this must be mutual says Dr. Laura Markham. Sit down dinners can be a natural thing for most families; this can mean a lot to a child who doesn’t experience that on a regular basis. Markham also says that letting things go after a fight will help eliminate further problems.
Although child abandonment may appear to be rare, it’s in every school and in every neighborhood. In 2003 the Nevada Kid count recorded 13,325 children abandoned a year and increasing (Abandoned Babies). Abandonment can obviously destroy relationships between the abandoned and the abandon-er, but there are many ways to keep healthy relationships with others outside of the abandonment.